The Secret Agent

Finishing The Secret Agent allows me to spend my remaining time on analyzing the story and characters within it.  In the book, my opinion of one character drastically changes in the course of a short period of time.     In my mind, this man went from average husband, to mysterious and average husband, to self-centered and unworthy husband.  Before the tragic turn of events in which Stevie is blown to shreds, Conrad makes makes Verloc seem like an average, middle class man, not really enjoying his life but still appreciating all that he has.  Oh, and he is a secret agent.  But, Verloc has a loving wife who would do anything for him and an obedient brother-in-law Stevie.  Winnie does make it known that her husband avoids spending as much time with Stevie as he could, but Verloc reluctantly changes his ways and includes the boy more.  I believe Conrad does this metamorphosis with purpose.  He molds Verloc into this ordinary man with a secret job that he is terrible at (making Verloc seem like an underdog... leading the reader to sympathize for the man) and then confuses the reader completely telling us that Verloc accidentally blew up his wife's brother.  To me it was COMPLETELY unexpected.  When I found out that news, I did not know how to react at all.  Do I understand Verloc's side of the story?  Or do I hate Verloc for doing that heartless deed to his wife?  What also made me upset was Verloc's reaction in chapter twelve when Winnie was shut down and ignoring him (a common way to cope with sudden tragedy).  He was getting so defensive and annoyed with how she would not even look at him.  Him freaking out like that on Winnie drew the line for me.  I knew then that Verloc's head was not on straight.  Yeah, so you're scared about going to jail, but be a man, realize what you did was wrong and try to do anything you can to make your wife not hate you.  I cannot even imagine what was running through Winnie's mind.  How shocked she must have been receiving the news that her husband blew up her beloved brother.  She has every right to hate him.  But Verloc conceitedly pushes her emotions aside and demands her to care for his shop while he is gone, not giving her any time to think and recover from the horrible accident.  Verloc is in go-mode, whereas Winnie is in wait...-slow-down-mode.  I believe Conrad does this for a reason and it is to make the reader as confused and mind boggled as the characters are in the story when the explosion happens.  He utilizes the plot to change our view on the characters making ourselves as confused as the people in the story are.  Just as Winnie unexpectedly loses hope in Veloc, I did too.

This Ol' Guitar

I have always loved the poem "This Ol' Guitar" by Daniel Wittfoth.  It basically expresses everything I feel about playing guitar and how it legitimately heals the soul.  You probably did not know this, but I play the guitar and I have been since I was fifteen years old.  Three years does not seem that long to be playing but the time definitely went by slow as I picked away.  It does not take much time to develop a deep relationship with ones guitar. Guitar has always been my escape, a way to feel moved without being involved in any complicated relationship or friendship.  It pulled me away from reality and temporarily captivated my being.  I feel like Wittfoth pulls together all of my deep feelings for guitar in a simple, rustic poem.  Starting the poem with "This ol' guitar has been my best friend through thick and thin," wraps up the bond one has with their guitar in one simple statement.  No matter what happens in life, one always knows they can run away from it all when they pick up their guitar.  People come and go but the guitar remains stationary, loyally saddled to ones back looking for something new to play about.  "It has held all my thoughts, spoken them through melody, words whispered from my heart."  This is a great line too.  I feel like I always have issues describing the sensation I get when I play, but this statement wraps it all up.  The experience is inexpressible but there are words that can slightly touch on the true meaning.  Wittwoth is victorious in this poem, moving the hearts of all guitar players.  One that does not play cannot truly understand and relate to this poem because the author speaks to a reader that knows exactly what he is talking about.  The simplicity of the poem makes it's meaning deceivingly simple as well.  But, analyzing the words and attempting to comprehend them on a deep level is for from possible for those who do not play the instrument.  Also, in my eyes this poem is an ode.  It is giving thanks to the piece of wood that has the supernatural ways of making things in life seem better.  Recognizing how important this is for a guitar player, I am deeply connected to this poem because it speaks the thoughts I could never find words for without using a melody.

The Wizard of Oz

This past weekend I went to the Everett Theater in Middletown, DE and saw The Wizard of Oz.  My dog was cast as Toto and she did an amazing job.  Anyway, whenever I see that show, I always come out of the theater inspired.  Inspired for a few reasons actually.  First off, I am what you say a "dreamer". I tend to let my mind wander into unrealistic situations and imagine my life consisting of the most adventurous and interesting situations.  I always dream of something bigger encompassing my being; I have yet to figure out what that dream consists of, change of religion, change of environment, or even change of my personal image?  I do not know.  But, watching The Wizard of Oz pulls me down from that floating cloud.  Dorothy dreamed of better days somewhere over the rainbow just as I dream of better days doing something new and exciting.  However, Dorothy learns that happiness was right in front of you with the people that love and cherish you.  Moving away and leaving behind all that molded you into the person you are isn't a step forward in life.  It's merely just step to the side.  Changing your ways and your mind set is how you reach true satisfaction.  My next lesson stemming from The Wizard of Oz is no matter how many times you try to go somewhere or do something, it will not matter unless you have your heart in it.  Dorothy tries multiple times to get herself back home to her family but she never truly looks deep in her heart.  She just wished with no deep emotion, caught up in the commotion of the events going on around her.  Eventually, she learns that in order to get places in life, you must have your heart and soul in it.  It will not mean anything if you do it apathetically.  Relating this to myself, I sometimes, well more than sometimes, avoid putting out all of my efforts.  I mean, who really does ALL the time?  But, sometimes I need a little inspiration, like The Wizard of Oz, to turn my head straight and help me see how focusing can improve your life and daily habits.  All in all, go see this thoughtful show if you are ever feeling low and need a little guidance.